12 times you wish you had more parenting time

I spent a long time on the stairs this evening, not going up or down but trying to make a certain little lady stay on one step. Looking at pictures of her from a year ago it is scary just how much she has come along from the lump of DNA to a strong minded toddler.

The other day I talked about how much I was looking forward to seeing her (and #2) grow up, but it is moments where you are dealing with a screaming child that you realise every moment is just hurtling by. In two years time we’ll be doing this all again while having to cope with the existential crises of a four year old.

Being a parent seems to be a constant battle against time, first you want things to hurry along and then you wish they would pass a little slower. Here is my list of how I wish I had temporal powers to alter the passing of parenthood.

  1. You spend all night wishing that bedtime would arrive and the remainder thinking you would like to spend more time with them.
  2. The fifteen minutes you get to play in the bath feels like 15 seconds compared to the fifteen minutes that feel like hours once you start to get them ready for bed.
  3. Nothing feels as long as a drive in car with a child screaming because you didn’t go the route they wanted (when a toddler GPS is rerouting it goes AAAARRRGGGGHHH).
  4. Cuddles never seem to last as long as you want them, tantrums on the other hand…
  5. The kids TV shows you like last for all of the theme tune and two lines of dialogue. The ones you hate are longer than Titanic.
  6. A nice clean floor lasts for seconds, the stains on the wall/furniture/clothes last a lifetime.
  7. The longer a meal takes to prepare and cook the less time it will take for them to “not want it”.
  8. Toddlers have the ability to make chocolate and ice cream melt at a faster rate than adults.
  9. You can spend hours watching them sleep.
  10. The first night they sleep through will be the longest night you have ever experienced.
  11. When a child is running to danger time slows down for you but they seem to become the fastest thing moving on Earth.
  12. You will never have enough time with your child, and will spend way too much time wishing it all to go quicker.

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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