Teaching a bi-dictional child

It has been said that Britain and America are separated by a common language, but this completely ignores the 3,000 miles of Atlantic Ocean that happens to be between us. That’s a testable and provable fact; I checked it out myself when I flew over it.

Me and Mrs E have discussed the education of any children in America and some of the quirks of Anglo-American conventions on language came to light. In the interests of cross-Pond special relations I made some effort to compromise with my Stateside girlfriend and agreed that any progeny could use Americanisms, I would just choose to shun and ignore them if they did.

If they want their lunch wrapped in Aluminum foil then I would try to find this imaginary element and failing to do so would leave their sandwiches to dry out. If they choose to add in the extra ‘i’ and spell it correctly then no more dried crusts.

I will be more than happy to help with their Math homework, but when they present me with a set of number-based problems will refuse to help unless they need advice on mythological Welsh kings.

They will be brought up on the Metric system, the Imperial system is idiotic. I can easily work out how heavy 1 litre of water weighs in kg, it’s a sensible system (and it’s 1kg and measures 1m3). Now try converting 1 gallon of water into pounds and feet.

Talking of litres, I will only recognise theatre, centre, metre etc. The only meter I will accept will be the device that measures something.

It’s the Prem-year League, not the Prem-e-er League. Its how it’s pronounced in its native land so should be used, just like we say Espan-ya not Espan-a.

We will celebrate holidays from both sides of the Atlantic, this means getting pancakes (not crepes) on Shrove Tuesday and celebrating November 5th. One concession, July 4th may be called Insurrection Day to recognise the terrible act of dumping a load of tea into Boston Harbour (as with colour, the added ‘u’).

We will drink tea.

Write about whatever you’d like, but write using regional slang, your dialect, or in your accent.

Author: geekergosum

Ah, so you worked out the riddle. You just needed to use dwarfish and the doors to Geek Ergo Sum opened. Or perhaps you just used Google. Either way you are here, on my little corner of the Internet.

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